You Don’t Really Belong in Our Family – the Pain of Separation

I’m guessing many (all?) of us have experienced lots of feelings of separation.

In fact, close your eyes to bring those feelings into view.

Maybe you’re even experiencing a few of them in your reality at the moment. Where is there separation in your life?

I know a woman who’s estranged from her brother. Another who hasn’t spoken to her sister in three years. A friend running so fast who’s separated from a nurturing sense of balance.

My lessons started early when my older sister sassed a litany my way, Mom and Dad put you back in the hospital because you cried too much. Then they got the wrong baby back. You really don’t belong in our family.

Ouch.

As I grew up, I was highly aware of the pain of separation outside of myself, in my family, in our religion, in my stature, my braces, my short leg, my glasses…

Then in college, there were feelings of separation from friends who liked to drink a lot, or have sleepovers in their boyfriends’ rooms. Then the pain of separation from my amazing boyfriend who was ready to move on from dating me. And me needing to separate from a gentleman who was smothering me with attention, a puppy dog posing as a boyfriend.

Over time, I wrestled with getting through the pain of separation. I’d lose weight, have trouble sleeping, feel confused. Once, the pain of separation was so intense, I considered driving my car off the highway.

Years later, a time arrived when I was ready to acknowledge the layers of separation within myself, as well.

I realized I was separated from my feelings, separated from my body, and separated from the silence within me, for starters.

After my marriage ended a few years ago, I was led to deep healing within and without, showing me separation is an illusion, that oneness exists.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and there are big benefits to rising from the ashes of chaos.

I have been brought to ground in my body, and healed to a more integrated place, understanding the need to honor my mind, body, and soul.

The more I consult within from a centered, grounded place, the more my words and actions arise from my authentic self. If I instead move quickly to say something before I’ve allowed it to move through my whole self, I may regret the comment, for it’s probably coming from an ego aspect of myself, and not from my wholeness.

I can more easily discern if I’m meant to meet friends at a restaurant, or if I’m being called to stay home, going within. What a joy to honor my introversion and my feelings!

When I was new at this, it was a kick to observe myself when my feelings were triggered by an e-mail from my ex, for example. Instead of firing one off in defense or attack, I watched myself take a deep breath….and then remove myself from the computer. I ate lunch. I mused about what he may have been thinking when he wrote the offending e-mail, and I was able to write back from my integrated wholeness, sneaking in a slice of humor, to boot.

Well, that’s not wholly true.

As I recall, I responded without taking offense, and I made kind of a snide remark back. He deserved it.

Then we calmed down over the next few e-mails and apologized to one another. There’s lots more peace between us now, which is great.

There are so many keys to healing, and as I understand it, one of the biggest areas is healing into our integrated selves. Our whole selves. Our light and our shadow. Our masculine and feminine. Our going out and our staying in. Books upon books are written about these topics. Degrees are earned.

I’ve heard this analogy, and it feels more real to me at this time….that we are vertical like trees for a reason. We need sustenance from Mother Earth and Father Sky. We need to be rooted and branch out. We need to bend when strong winds of chaos blow. We need to revel in good doses of silence. Appreciate all we can see, smell, touch, feel, and hear. Give generously of our shade to another and the unique gifts we have to share.

Our planet is healed one spark of Source at a time when we heal the separations within and without until we see and know that we are One.

Could you benefit to heal separation in your life with me as a spiritual companion on your journey? Contact joy@joyonyourshoulders.com for your Journey to Joy assessment call.